Heavier Things
by poeticgrace
Summary: Moments shared by Puck and Rachel over the years. Series of ONE SHOTS.
1. Clarity

Rachel Berry was known for many things – her ambition, her voice, her short skirts. She was the next Barbra Streisand, a living legend in her own mind. She had always been destined for bigger and brighter things than Lima, Ohio, had to offer, and four years of high school had done nothing to change that. Countless solos, lead parts in school musicals and early acceptance to Julliard only went to confirm her faith in herself.

Noah Puckerman was also known for many things – his love for the ladies, his cocky confidence, his skills on the football field. No one expected him to make anything of his life. He was destined to become a Lima townie, one of those people who clung to high school memories long after the yearbook photos had started to fade. High school had only reiterated popular opinion about the kind of person he would become. His best years were pretty much behind him.

However, there was one thing she saw in him and he saw in her that no one else would ever see. Puck got to see the terrified little girl who needed fame because that meant people would love her, or at least admire her. She might act like she didn't care, but Puck could see right through that. At the heart of it all, she was still a scared little girl whose mother gave her up for adoption. Even if Rachel had a childhood that many kids would dream of, she still had to deal with the rejection of believing your biological parent didn't want you. That kind of thing did things to girls like Rachel. Puck should know; he was the resident expert on daddy issues.

For her part, Rachel could see right through Puck, too. She knew that he wasn't just this cocky player with a heart built around false bravado. When you got to know him, you knew that he was really just this genuinely nice guy. He was a good son and a good brother. He took care of the people that mattered to him. Rachel was lucky enough to be one of those people and had found herself on the receiving end of his kindness on more than one occasion. He was protective of these people because he couldn't stand to lose another one. Just because his father couldn't have been bothered to stick around didn't mean that he had to end up like him.

It is these realizations that causes him to call her on one April evening a month before graduation and ask if she wanted to take a walk. The stars were plentiful when he met her at the corner down the block from the street. She was wearing one of those painfully cute cardigan sweaters and he had on an old football jersey that had definitely seen better days.

"I have some news."

Rachel stops and looks up at him, the moonlight dancing across her beautiful features. "Oh?"

"I haven't told anyone. I wanted to tell you first," he confessed. "I don't know why. I just thought you might understand." She looks up at him questioningly and Puck has to smile at her innocence. Rachel really is one of the good ones. "I applied at Oberlin a few months ago. I knew the chances were pretty slim that I'd actually get in, but I at least wanted to try."

"Their Conservatory is amazing, Noah!" she gushed. "Have you heard back?"

"I did," he announced, sliding the unsealed envelope from his jacket. "I was hoping that you'd open it. I haven't yet. I'm kind of too scared to do it myself."

"The famous Noah Puckerman is actually afraid of something?"

"Yeah, well, rejection sucked," he said, shoving it her way. "Besides, I knew you wouldn't judge me...too much."

"Too much?" she echoed, her eyebrow perfectly arched.

"Just open it!" he laughed. Rachel slid her manicured fingernail through the flap and slid the piece of paper out into her hand. Turning so that the streetlight could illuminate the page, she ready quickly before putting it back in the envelope. "Well?"

"_Well_," she repeated pointedly before launching herself into his arms. "You got in! You did it, Noah! You're going to Oberlin."

"I'm going to Oberlin," he repeated with a whisper, hugging her tightly as he turned them both in a circle. "I'm going to Oberlin!"

"Oh, Noah," she replied as he sat her back on her feet. She reached up and cupped his cheek tenderly, holding his dark eyes with her own. "I am so proud of you."

Puck won't fully understand the meaning of that moment for a long time, but it's still a great comfort to him. This is the moment that he carries with him on his first day of class, when he stands in front of forty-two strangers and sings a Neil Diamond song he once used to serenade his favorite Jewess. It's his safety net, his secret weapon. It carries all this and he doesn't even know it yet. It's like the John Mayer song goes, "By the time I recognize this moment, this moment will be gone, but I will bend the light, pretend that it somehow lingered on." That moment, his moment, with Rachel would always linger on.


	2. Bigger Than My Body

The flavor of the week was grape. Rachel hated grape. It was the hardest to get out of her clothes. The stains would set in deep long before she was able to make it back to her locker to grab one of the five emergency outfits she came when the inevitable slushy dousings came.

She much preferred lemon. Lemon wasn't so bad, especially when it came from the place on McKibben. They had Italian Lemon and it was almost clear. That was much easier to get out of her expensive cashmere sweater, the one that was almost ruined by the raspberry a few weeks ago. She had pretty much quit wearing it to school after that. Her fathers told her that their dry cleaning budget wasn't big enough to save it twice.

"Please not today," she pleaded with Santana as she made her way to her locker before biology. She was already in a bad mood. Her alarm hadn't gone off, so she had missed her morning workout. Then, she had forgotten about the French quiz she had on the imperfect conjugations of this week's verbs and had barely managed to get through it. Now she had to head off to her least favorite class, only to reaffirm her virtues in protest of dissecting frogs. The last thing she needed was to be late because she had to change again. "I promise I won't complain tomorrow if you just give me a reprieve."

"Now what fun would that be?" Santana taunted her back, her hands on her narrow hips.

Rachel hated how hot Santana looked in her red and white Cheerios uniform. Why couldn't she be sexy like that? _Whatever_, Rachel mentally brushed off, _like__that's__even__possible_. Rachel was always going to be cute and never sexy. That was her blessing and her curse. Guys would never look at her like they did Santana. She was the nice girl they brought home to their mothers. Santana was the one they had all the fun with. Rachel wanted to have fun but she didn't have time, not if she wanted to reach her goal.

"It wouldn't," Rachel grumbled. "Just, c'mon, Santana. Consider this your one good deed for your life and let me go. You can throw two at me tomorrow if you want. Just give me this one day."

Santana shook her head and was just about to launch the cup in her direction when a towering male stepped in, grabbing it from her hand to take a long sip. "Thanks, Santana," Puck smirked. "How did you know that grape is my favorite? I was really thirsty too. That's so sweet of you."

The cheerleader glared at him as the bell rang. "Whatever, Puck, play the knight in the shining armor to the Princess Geek over there. I have to get to art."

Once Santana had stalked off in the direction of her class, Puck took another drink of the slushy before tossing it into a nearby trashcan. "You okay, Berry? Think you can make it to class without another incident?"

Rachel was still standing their awestruck at his unexpected kindness. "Why did you do that?"

"You said please," he shrugged. "Besides, us good-looking Jews gotta watch out for each other, right?"

Rachel smiled in acknowledgment of the inside joke about their once-romance. "Well, thank you, Noah."

"Don't let Santana get to you, Berry," he told her as they started to walk down the empty hall. "Girls like her are a dime a dozen. The best thing that will ever happen to them is being nominated for Homecoming Queen or getting into the sorority of their choice at whatever state school they end up stuck at. We both know that better things are written in the stars for you."

"I hope so," she said helplessly, looking around the school in horror. "God knows this can't be it, can it?"

"Not for you, at least," he promised her. "You're gonna be so damn much more than any of us."

Rachel smiled warmly and gave him a little wave before heading into her biology class. Puck watched her take her seat and get her notebook out of her backpack. It was covered in gold stars. _Yup,_Puck thought as he headed off toward his own class_,__so__much__more_.


	3. Something's Missing

"Hey, Rach."

"Noah."

"It's been awhile, yeah?"

"We've both been busy..."

"That's no excuse for not calling. I'm sorry it's been so long. I should have called you before now. We've just had a lot going on."

"How is Quinn?"

_Sigh_. "Good, I guess. I don't really see her much these days. She's always wrapped up in stuff with the boys. They're in sports now. Fifth grade, can you believe it?"

"Time goes by so fast." _Pause._ "And how are you?"

"Oh, you know, getting by." _Obvious __lie._ "How's New York?"

"Busy, hectic and wonderful. It's still the best thing in the world."

"You sound happy."

"I love my job."

"And how's Finn?"

"I wouldn't know."

"Wait? What?"

"He's back in Lima. I thought you knew. He wanted to coach football. We broke up six months ago."

_Six __months __ago__?_ "I had no clue. I wish I had known. I would have called earlier."

"And said what? There isn't anything you could do, Noah, not anymore. You're with Quinn. You have a family with her. Let that be enough. You can't keep coming back to me when you aren't getting what you need at home."

"It was never like that, Rach, not with us."

"I won't be your dirty secret, Noah. It's not a warning either, it's a promise." _And __another __obvious __lie._

"I still miss you."

"No, you're still lonely." _Correction._ "We're both still lonely. That doesn't mean that we should just slip back into old patterns. I'm not some test of your relationship with Quinn that you can pass. I have a life, Noah. I have a heart. I'm not getting mixed up in you again."

"But do you miss me, Berry?"

"It doesn't matter if I do or don't. This is what we're left with. Nothing is going to change that."

"_We_could change it."

"And do what, Noah? You'll come to New York? Come on, we both know you can't leave the boys. And you shouldn't. You're their father. They need you around."

"You could always come..."

"I told you after my dad died that I would never step foot back in Lima, Ohio, and I am not going to return just because you deigned me special enough to pay attention to again."

"It wouldn't be like last time, I promise."

"And what about the time before that?" _The time before the last time._ "Noah, I can't. You know that I can't. You know why I can't. I can't be sure of myself with you. Things with us, I can't control them. I can't be sure that I won't lose myself in you again. I nearly drowned the last time. I won't go back there."

"Rachel, but I-"

"Don't you even finish that sentence, Noah!" _Why __am __I b__egging __him?_ "Damn you. Just. Ugh. Damn you. That's not fair."

"Rach, I'm not happy. Something's missing."

"Something is always missing with you, Noah."

"Yeah, you're right."

"Of course I am." _Wait,__what?_ "Wait, what?"

"Something is missing. You're missing."

"Noah, please, stop._" Dammit, I didn't want to cry._

_Dammit, __I __didn't __want __to __make __her __cry._ "Baby, please, don't cry."

"I'm not." _Lie._

"Just come home, Rach. It's time. Just please, come home."

"I can't."

"You can, you will." _She __has __to..._

"I can't, I won't." _I __want __to..._

"Rach, please, come home."

"Home to what?"

"Home to me, home to us."

"For how long?"

"Forever if you'll have me, less if that's all you've got. I'll take whatever you're offering. I've tried this whole living-without-you thing. It doesn't really work. I told you that something was missing. I just don't want it to be you anymore."

"My show closes next week. I could be there Monday morning."

"I'll pick you up at the airport."

"You knew I would come."

"I didn't know, but I hoped. I really, really hoped."

"I love you, Noah."

"I love you, too, Rach."

_Click._


	4. New Deep

"C'mon, Berry, it's just a beer."

Rachel looked down at the red plastic cup and wrinkled her nose. Girls like Rachel didn't drink beer. Girls like Rachel didn't like beer. It was innate, completely engrained into her DNA and beyond her control. Still, as Brittany danced by and Mercedes bopped around behind her, she noticed how it also had the power to lower inhibitions. She wasn't looking to completely lose herself in an alcohol-induced haze, but a little escape would be nice for awhile.

"You promise you won't have anything to drink, Noah?" she asked skeptically. He had agreed to be her designated driver, the only way she would partake of even one sip of alcohol. Her fathers couldn't know that she was out at a party. What would they think? "I mean it, you have to promise."

Puck rolled his eyes in the general direction of the petite brunette and nodded. If he had known getting Rachel to have one drink would require so much work, he wouldn't have volunteered to be her official party director. She had just looked so sad when he had found her crying behind the piano after rehearsal. She needed to loosen up a little and actually have some good old-fashioned high school fun for once. Otherwise, the whole crazy experience was just going to pass her by.

"I told you already, I am not going to drink tonight. You made me sign a damn contract before you would even get in my truck tonight," he reminded her before pointing toward the cup. Now, you drink that and try to have some actual fun. All of your friends are here, Berry, it shouldn't be that hard."

Loud pop music filled the air as groups of threes and fours huddled around the room. There were a few people playing beer pong in the dining room, and Artie was holding court with a few of the guys near the flat screen playing the Browns game. One of those guys just happened to be the reason she was here tonight. It had been a particularly nasty fight with Finn that had led to their fifth breakup, culminating with him telling her that she was a boring, stuck-up prude. It had hurt Rachel because it was partly true. After confessing this to Puck, he had insisted that while, yeah, she could be kind of a snob, she was actually kind of fun and not-at-all a prude. After all, she had been with him, hadn't she?

"Come on, let's go dance," Puck said suddenly, breaking her gaze away from Finn and toward him. He grabbed her by the wrist and led her over to the makeshift dance floor in the opposite corner of the living room. Rachel took a brave sip of the beer and smiled up at him hopefully. "That a girl." His tone was proud and supportive but also concerned. Rachel allowed him to shift the cup out of her hand and entwine her arms around his neck. "See, this is fun."

Rachel threw her head back and laughed prettily, causing something familiar to flutter in Puck's stomach. She was her most beautiful when she was like this, open and carefree. It was also the version he liked the best, that same girl who followed him into the bathroom to wash away slushy during their brief courtship. That Rachel was pretty great.

"Yeah, it actually is," she agreed. It wasn't what she expected when she had come out tonight. More than anything, she had just wanted to feel numb. She had just been in survival mode since that fight. She had cried more tears than ever before, and that had weakened her otherwise brazen heart considerably. "Thank you, Noah. I'm really enjoying myself."

Puck nodded and tucked a strand of dark hair behind her ear affectionately. He didn't really want to figure out what all this meant. He just wanted to enjoy how wonderful it was to be something worthy in her eyes. It wasn't something he'd had a lot in his life, and it definitely didn't come along easily. But Rachel gave it so freely and that made him appreciate her that much more. She gave him this certain kind of edge, a particular kind of new deep.

"Maybe we could do it again sometime or something," he suggested. "I mean, we wouldn't have to go to a party or anything. We could just get some dinner over at Stix or catch a movie. You need a little fun in your life, Berry. Even if it's not my usual kind of debauchery, I think I could show you a good time."

She knows that his last sentence could so easily be taken as a double entendre, but for once in his life, he didn't seem to mean it that way. Rachel also saw it for exactly what it was. It was more than just an invitation to hang out. Noah Puckerman was asking her out on a real date.

"Yeah, we could do that," she agreed. She looked over at her red cup on the window ledge, long forgotten after this unending slow dance she had found herself in with Noah. "See, I don't even need the beer to have fun. I just need you."

There was something about the last part that made something twist in Puck's heart. "Yeah?" he asked as Rachel nodded. A brilliant smile lit his handsome face and was immediately returned by Rachel's own beautiful grin. She leaned up then and placed a gentle kiss on his cheek, letting it linger long enough that he knew it had meaning but brief enough to keep it chaste.

It was then that Puck decided that she was pretty beautiful when she blushed.


	5. Come Back to Bed

Rachel slid the pen from her messenger bag and looked vacantly out the window above her desk. It was raining again, one of her favorite types of weather for New York City. The streets were silver in the pale moonlight, and only the sound of his light snoring in the corner could be heard. She smiled affectionately at the dark shadow of her shoulder before turning to the task at hand. It was time to say goodbye.

_Jesse came along at a point in my life when I was terribly confused. I didn't know which way to look and where my heart was. I was caught between the guy I wanted to be with and the choices I knew that I should make. And so I let myself fall willingly, and it was nice. I felt safe and secure, like he would never hurt me the way the one before him had. I had no way of knowing how wrong I would be and how that would echo into my life for months to come. If only it hadn't been for my birth mother… But that's for another day. It took a long time to forgive – both Jesse and myself. I do forgive him though. That kind of anger just isn't worth holding onto._

Sliding open her top drawer, Rachel pulled out a small black photo album full of snapshots from that year of her life. There was this whole history with Jesse captured in pictures, and she could still remember when most of them were taken. She had let go of that one more easily than a lot of girls because she had still felt so much hope for things to come. It was before she really had Finn. That one had been much harder to let go.

_I met Finn when I was fifteen years old. He was the first boy who ever made me feel beautiful and the first boy to ever kiss me breathless. I knew from the first time he held my hand that a piece of my heart was always going to belong to him and all these years later, I'm still right. Five years has passed and I still smile fondly whenever I remember that innocent time in my life. It all seemed so important then. It's only now, after the years have passed and I've come into my own that I realized it wasn't. It was just the kind of love you find when you're a kid. It doesn't make it any less real or any less meaningful. It just means that it wasn't meant to last a life time. I am okay with that now. I have finally let go._

The snoring in the corner halts and Rachel smiles to herself as she gazes down at the sizable diamond currently taking up court on her left ring finger. The engagement had been a blur and nearly everyone had an opinion on it. It had come quickly, sure, much before she had always planned. But they were in New York and they were young and she was living her dream and he was part of that now. Between auditions and lessons at Julliard, there were walks in Central Park and dinners at cheap pizzerias in Little Italy. He had made New York her home because he was her home.

_And finally, there is Noah. Beautiful Noah, the thing I never could have seen coming in a million years but has made me happier than I could have ever imagined. He makes the getting over the past part easier. I know that if you truly someone as deeply as I have, you never get over it. But he makes me feel like it's okay that I haven't and that I don't ever have to fully let it all go. Those are the things that made us who we are, the girl that he loves so wonderfully. Noah is my happy ending. This is the life I was meant to live after all._

"Come back to bed, Berry," he calls into the darkness, his words muffled by the rustling of sheets as he creeps up behind her. His arms slip around her from behind as he drops a lazy kiss on the side of her neck. "It's late. You have an early rehearsal in the morning. You're always telling me that you need your full eight hours of beauty sleep. I don't want you to have a minute less."

Rachel smiled up at him and nodded thoughtfully before tucking away the journal and switching off the light. She takes his hand and crawls back into bed, his arms finding their natural home around her waist as they spoon on their sides. "Good night, love you," she whispers as her eyes slip close. Rachel is asleep before Puck can even respond.

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** I have five more of these stories planned. However, I don't want to write them if no one is reading them. If you are out there reading these, please leave a review to let me know so that I can give you a few more stories. Not begging for review, just don't to write to an audience who isn't there. Thanks!


	6. Home Life

A black leather recliner, a fridge full of ice-cold beer and a Browns game on the big screen – it was pretty much Puck's idea of a perfect Sunday afternoon. It had been a long day at the dealership, but he had managed to sell a record-number of cars (or at least a record number for him). His boss had celebrated with a ham and a generous bonus, something that would help when it came vacation time this summer. There was a patch of sand in Costa Rica that had his name on it.

He was just turning the TV on when his cell phone rang. Puck rolled his eyes to himself as his lab, Baxter, ducked under his hand. He petted the dog absently as he check the screen to see who was calling. It seemed like this always happened. Just when he had settled down to finally to watch football, someone called to steal away his temporary peace.

"Hey, man," Puck greeted the caller.

Finn laughed on the other end. "What happened to you? I thought you were coming over to my place to watch the game? All the guys are here."

"Sorry, man, I'm just gonna zone out here. I'll catch you guys next week though, yeah?"

"No problem, dude," Finn replied as someone hollered in the background. "Go Browns!"

"Yeah, go Browns," Puck retorted less enthusiastically before ending the call.

With just twenty minutes to go before the game started, Puck was fully immersed in the pre-show commentary when Baxter started to scratch at the back door. Puck kept his eyes fixed on the screen as he padded over to the let dog out. The timer from the kitchen dinged to let him know that his pizza was finished. He rubbed his hands together greedily at just the thought of a leftover pie from Stix. It really was that good.

He had just settled back into his recliner when his phone rang again. Puck groaned as he slid the slice back on the plate and retrieved his cell from beside the chair. Of course, it had to be his mother. Phone conversations with her were never brief. She always complained that he never called her enough.

"Noah, you're never going to believe what your sister did this time."

"Hey, Mom," he said with a chuckle. The two of them were always going at it since she started high school last year. "What'd she do this time?"

"Oh, hi, Noah," she retorted before diving right in. "It's this boyfriend of hers. I swear, he is going to convince her to do something stupid. She already got that damn earring in her nose, and now she is talking about getting a tattoo. She threw a fit when I told her I was not signing the permission slip. She is going to end up knocked up if she doesn't watch herself."

Noah let what his mother said pass. She wasn't thinking when she said it and still really didn't like to acknowledge that he had given up Beth back in high school. "Do you want me to talk to her?"

"Would you mind? She always listens to you, Noah."

"Sure, no problem, Mom," he said dutifully. "I'll call her after the game. Try not to worry so much."

His mother sighed tiredly. "I've been worrying about you kids since the moment I found out I was pregnant, honey, but I'll sure try. I love you."

"Love you, too, Mom," he told her before hanging up.

Puck made a mental note to call his sister when the game came back from commercial. Baxter returned to the back door, this time scratching from the other side to be let back in the house. Knowing that his pizza was probably cold, Puck grabbed his plate and stopped through the kitchen to pop it into the microwave before letting Baxter in. The dog looked up at him pleadingly as the aroma of pizza filled the air again.

Baxter trotted after Puck back into the living room and set up shop at his master's feet. After taking a delicious bite for himself, he slipped a small wedge down to the dog. The announcer indicated that it was time for kickoff, and the camera panned to where the players were lining up on the field. Puck felt that familiar rush of happy adrenaline that he used to get when he still played and the same feeling he still got whenever he watched a game. And then, as if on cue, his phone began to ring again.

"Hey, sis, I'll call you after the game," he said into the receiver without even saying hello.

"Mom is crazy!" she cried into the phone. Puck rolled his eyes at her juvenile dramatics. All he wanted to do was watch the game. "You should have heard the rules she was trying to set. A ten o'clock curfew on weekends? I have to keep the door open when Mark comes over! Noah, she even wants to meet his parents. His parents! Do you know how embarrassing that is?"

"Uh, well, it might not be a bad idea," he replied. "I mean, I know how I was at your age. I was kind of a dog. Most guys are. Mom is just trying to be careful after what she went through with me."

"Yeah, well, I'm not you," she pointed out. "You always take her side."

"No, I don't," he said carefully. "I just don't always take your side. I'll make you a deal. If you agree to let Mom meet his parents, I will talk to her about the curfew."

"And the door?"

"I'll decide that after I meet himself."

"Noah," she whined.

"Deal or no deal? I'd take it if I were you. Otherwise, you're on your own."

"Ugh, fine!" she barked before slamming down the phone.

Puck brushed of the impending headache and tried to pay attention to the game. He clapped happily when the Browns made a big defensive play, forcing the turnover. After it went to commercial, he popped open his beer. He was just about to take a nice long swig when the phone rang yet again. The football fates were definitely against him.

"Yeah?"

"Sorry to interrupt your Sunday afternoon, Mr. Puckerman," a polite female voice greeted him from the other end. "It's Gina, the weekend receptionist at the dealership."

"I know who you are, Gina. We've worked together for three years," he reminded her. She always did this when she called, every single time. "What's up?"

"Mr. Hodges wanted me to call and see if you could cover him this afternoon. He said something about his mother-in-law coming into town."

"Sorry, Gina, I'm off the schedule today. I haven't caught a Browns game all seasons. Tell him to try Thompson."

"Yes, sir," she replied obediently. "Sorry again to bother you. Have a good night."

"Yeah, you too, Gina."

Puck threw his phone on the couch opposite him and watched happily as it slid between the cushions. _There_, it couldn't bother him now. However, Baxter started to paw at his ankles with a fuzzy yellow tennis ball and broke his attention away from the screen. Puck threw it haphazardly down the hallway, not even bothering to watch as the dog took off after it. A few moments later, the sound of footsteps up the hall announced his return.

"Daddy, Baxter knocked over my blocks!" Gracie complained as she came running into the living room after the dog. Her dark curls were bouncing as she stuck out her bottom lip in an exaggerated pout. She stood at the edge of the chair expectantly, waiting for her father to lambast the dog for its natural behavior.

Instead, Puck lifted her up and shifted her onto his lap. "You look just like your mother when you pout like that," he smiled affectionately as his daughter rested her head on his chest.

"Oh, does she now?" his wife questioned rhetorically as she came into the room with their one-year-old on her hip. Jack smiled up at him toothily and waved excitedly. "The kids and I were just about to go pick out pumpkins. I know you're watching the game, but I thought I'd see if you wanted to come."

Jack clapped happily and Gracie smiled up at him and Puck knew that he might as well just turn off the game now. With looks like those, there was no way he was going to be able to enjoy his football game now. "Yeah, that sounds good, honey," he said. "Go get your shoes on, Gracie."

"Yay!" she exclaimed happily as she rushed down the hall. Jack squirmed to be let down and followed after his sister. Baxter wasn't too far away, leaving Puck alone with his wife for the first time all day. He smiled at her happily as he heard his children talking in the other room. This was better than any football game.

"That was cruel, Rach," he complained as he abandoned his recliner, his pizza, his beer and his game. She smiled proudly before pressing a kiss to his mouth. "You knew I would go when you came in here."

"Yup," she grinned. "Who would have though? Noah Puckerman – family man."


	7. Split Screen Sadness

It happens a little bit after they get together the first time, when Quinn is pregnant and Finn still thinks it's his and Puck needs redemption. It's mostly innocent and it's sort of fun and Puck feels fiercely protective of her. He comes to her at night, after she's asleep, and crawls into her window to just watch over her. He won't Finn break her heart. Rachel is all he has left.

They never talk about him coming over. They don't talk about how she leaves her windows unlocked our how he slips out unnoticed before the sun is up. They don't talk about how it continues long after they've broken up and Puck has returned to his wanton ways. They don't talk about any of this. In fact, they don't really talk period.

Until one night when he crawls through the window after a party at one of the football player's house when his parents were out of town. He hadn't had anything to drunk but he swears that someone must have drugged him because Rachel is still awake and it's after midnight. She is always asleep promptly at ten, a prerequisite if she was going to get her required eight hours. She was wearing a white satin nightgown, her hair loose around her shoulders. She looked like the angel that had appeared to him in his dream when he had realized that they should be together, only this was real.

"You came," she said softly, sounding both a little frightened and relieved.

"Don't I always?" he whispered back as he kicked off his shoes by her desk.

Rachel shifted over on the bed as he peeled off his tee shirt and jeans, leaving him in just a pair of basketball shorts and a white undershirt. It was a familiar pattern but not one that she was usually apart of. Acknowledging that it happened at all made it real, and that was just too much for them to deal with. It was better to pretend that it didn't exist, even though they both needed it to survive.

"What are you still doing up?"

"Waiting for you."

"For me?"

She nodded silently as she turned to look at him. Puck could see the tears threatening to fall at any minute and felt a regretful pang in his heart. He hated when Berry cried. It was the opposite of how put together she usually was. He reached up and wiped the wetness away with the pad of his thumb before kissing her on the forehead.

"What happened?"

"He's never going to get over her, is he?"

They both knew the 'her' and the 'he' that she was talking about. They were the same 'her' and 'he' that haunted him.

"I don't know, Berry."

"Maybe you had it right, Noah."

"Had what right?"

"Maybe we are supposed to be together..."

It was Puck turn to shake his head. They had tried and it hadn't worked. He would never admit that it was actually harder getting over Rachel than he would have expected. She meant something to him, even if he couldn't put his finger on it.

"No, I don't mean it like that," she exhales before moving closer to him. "I just mean tonight."

Puck felt her hand reach for his in the dark, entwining their fingers so that it was impossible to tell where one ended and the other began. Rachel turned her head and lifted her chin slightly. He knew that was the signal, the sure-tell sign that girls used when they wanted to be kissed. He knew that it was dangerous to give in but he wanted to kiss her. That part of being with her had always been pretty alright.

"Two wrongs make it all right tonight," he heard her mumble as he pressed her back toward the bed, their lips still locked in an unyielding kiss.

It was a sad interlude that only lasts for a little while longer, but they both pull apart eventually and just stare at each other. Puck reaches up to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear and it's nice. It's comforting to just be with a girl without having to _be_ with her.

"I can't wait to figure out what's wrong with me," he tells her after a moment of utter silence.

He can see her smile in the dark. "There's nothing wrong with you, Noah, nothing at all. You are amazing." It's the kindest, most innocent, most honest thing that anyone has ever said to him. He isn't used to hearing such kind words. Even more than that, he isn't used to believing such praise. But Puck believes Rachel when she tells him. He knows that Rachel really means it.


	8. Daughters

"Will you go with me to see her?"

Rachel asks this question when they are sitting in his truck in the parking lot on the second to last day of their senior year. Her eyes are focused on the school building, the place that has been their home for the past four years but after tomorrow, will be nothing but a memory. The future is uncertain, and Puck has no clue what comes next. He's not sure he wants to know anything about the world happening beyond this truck.

"Berry, you know that I can't.

She nods knowingly but looks up at him sadly, her wide brown eyes pleading. He knows that she can't go alone for the same reasons that he doesn't. No one else understands what it's like to go there, knocking pathetically on the door praying that she will answer. Neither of them had the courage to go it alone.

"Can you just drive me over there?"

He mentally plots out the streets that he would take to get there. It's a drive he has taken a thousand times in his mind. He knows it like the back of his hand, the way to connect himself to her. But it's a drive he has never had the courage to take. Part of himself was afraid he'd never find the way back.

"I could drop you off at the corner."

Rachel knows that the offer is probably the best that she is going to get. She would never be able to find it herself. She hasn't been to that side of town in months; in fact, it's been over two years. She doesn't let herself cross the railroad tracks that would lead her there. It's too dangerous to even chance.

"Are you sure about this, Berry?"

Her nod is reluctant and afraid, pretty much the same thing Puck is feeling at that moment. Daring to even go close to that place terrified him. For a guy that wasn't supposed to be scared of anything, a bungalow with red shutters scared him more than anything. He knew that it was pathetic but no one could really understand. No one other than Rachel, that is.

"I have to go eventually."

They exchange a look and he knows that she is trying to tell him that it will be his turn too eventually. He suspects that it already is and has been for awhile. He can usually ignore the nagging feeling at the back of his head but it swells in his heart when he pulls up to the corner of the street. Rachel looks at him and starts to voice her thanks when he stops her short.

"Maybe I could walk you there."

Rachel doesn't say anything as Puck kills the engine, coming around to the other side of the truck to help her down. He slips his hand into hers and she feels his fingers shaking briefly until she locks her own around his. He smiles up at her thankfully then and they both tred down the street in silence side by side. She wants to tell him thanks but knows that she shouldn't. If he needed to pretend that he was doing this for her, she was going to let him.

"Should we knock?"

They're both on the stoop, looking up at the wooden door with the spring flower wreath on it. There is an illuminated doorbell off to the side. He points to it and she shrugs. Finally, she reaches across him and pushes it with her free hand, never once letting go of his with her other. They both hear the footsteps coming from inside the house, and their eyes go wide was the door opens. Puck squeezes her hand so tightly that his knuckles are white, but Rachel doesn't as much squeal in pain. In fact, she only holds onto him tighter.

"Rachel...Puck...what are you doing here?"

Puck swallows back tears as he looks up at her. Rachel is a little bit open about letting hers fall. Shelby looks at them both with surprise, a sleepy Beth on her hip. It's been a long time since she has seen either of them. It suddenly feels like too much for Puck. There were two daughters who didn't have the parents who had created them, and Puck loved both of them more than anything else in the world.

"Shelby, I think it's time we figured somethings out."


	9. Only Heart

Noah sat alone on the big stage, a single spotlight flooding where he was positioned on the lone stool. It was just him, a guitar and a microphone, but there were nearly 10,000 people listening from the crowd. They were nothing more than a dark haze in front of them, but he could hear their gentle roar as they sang along with him. He had finally made it.

"And now, I am going to do a cover of an old favorite," he announced. "I want to dedicate this one the same way I dedicated my latest album. This one is for you, Rach."

_Do not waste this evening, baby I'm begging you  
>Your big imagination's playing its tricks on you<br>If you think my up and leaving's something I'm gonna do  
>Feel my chest when I look at you... <em>

Rachel watches from the wings as Noah strums along to the John Mayer tune, singing each note perfectly and causing legions of females to literally swoon. She herself feels a distinct weakness in her knees every time he takes the stage. After all these years, it still hasn't gone away. A tired female stagehand brushes past her with Puck's electric guitar for the second set. She smiles over at Rachel and nods toward the stage.

"John Mayer tonight, huh?"

He always dedicates a song to her. Every night, every city, every show – he finds a new way to tell her just how important she is to him and just how much he loves her. Last night was Peter Gabriel and Jimmy Eat World was two nights ago. He'd even sang their old Neil Diamond song last month for their anniversary. Rachel had kept a running list of the dedications over the past three tours. She had them all written down in the back of an old music composition notebook.

_Baby you, you've got my only heart  
>Yeah, you've got my only heart<br>Yeah, you've got my only, only, heart _

Puck smiles sideways at her from the center of the stage before closing his eyes to nod along to the music. Rachel watches him proudly, totally in awe of how far they've come. She still doesn't regret giving up Juliard and New York before her senior year to follow him on your. After a string of successful songs they cowrote together and the Producer of the Year Grammy nomination she got last year for his fourth album, it all seems futile.

His road manager is going over the technicalities for the second part of his show when he collapses on the stool next to her. "He sounds good tonight," Peter comments absently as he scans the list on his clipboard. He doesn't wait for Rachel to reply as he barks commands on the two-way radio forever affixed to his right hand.

_So hard to be so far out living our separate lives  
>You phone was really broken - I tried your number twice<br>And if you need confirmation, baby I understand  
>It's alright if you want me to tell you... <em>

There are a pair of teenagers in the front row looking up at Puck as if he is the second coming. He doesn't usually notice things like that, but the little blonde on the left sort of reminds him of Quinn. He smiles at her and then over at her redheaded friend before breaking back into the chorus. There are a few girls crying over on the far side of the stage and Puck smiles their way. He still doesn't get why girls react that way, but Rachel always reminds him how much he should appreciate his fans. Since she is his biggest fan and he appreciates her, he listens. That Berry, she was pretty genius.

He spots her swaying along to the music alone from her stool just off to the side of the stage. She is wearing the navy silk dress she bought in Memphis four nights ago and looks absolutely beautiful. She smiles at him radiantly as she dances along in time to his acoustic guitar. It's pretty much his favorite thing in the entire world.

_You, you've got my only heart  
>Yeah, you've got my only heart<br>Yeah, you've got my only, only, heart _

The song is starting to come to a close and an idea starts to formulate in his head. He swears that Rachel can see him working it out in his mind because she starts to shake her head frantically. He did this sometimes, and she still pretended to hate it after at least the thirtieth time. She waves her hand but he motions her out. She knows that it's useless because she'll always go when he calls.

Someone appears out of nowhere to hand her a microphone, one that is reserved solely for her and tuned perfectly to her voice. Rachel stands at the edge of the darkness, waiting for the right cue to join him on stage. Puck slides off his stool to make room for Rachel and steps forward, the spotlight following him. She takes a deep breath and brings the microphone up to her mouth, singing in unison with him on the third and final verse.

_And you love like your hand's on the horn, baby  
>I adore you but there's a hole in the cup that should hold your love<br>(hold my love)  
>If you let me leave<br>I swear, I never will _

The two of them have perfect harmony, a pair of voices designed exclusively to make music together. Rachel smiled him as he circled around her, never breaking their gaze. It's only the two of them out there now, the rest of the crew and the audience gone. It's always like this when they sing.

You can see the slightest swell of a baby bump starting to form under her dress and Puck feels a twist of pride in his heart. That's his baby, having his baby, and that's amazing. Just one more month and then they are off tour indefinitely, a much-needed hiatus before they have their first child and then for awhile after. He can't wait.

_Remember now you...  
>You've got my only heart<br>Yeah, you got my only heart  
>Yeah, you've got my only<br>Only heart _

"Ladies and gentleman, please give it up for my wife, Rachel Puckerman!"


	10. Wheel

"People have the right to fly," he tells her when she stands crying at the airport terminal so that he can go back to Lima. They had tried, they really had, but life had been cruel in New York City. "I can't hold you back anymore, Rach. I have to set you free."

She hates that she is crying in front of him, but she couldn't help it. Things weren't supposed to end up like this, not for them, and yet there they were, saying goodbye again. Finding him a second time had been the kindest gift the fates could have thrown her way, but they had proven cruel enough to take him away. "Yes, well, I hate goodbyes," she sniffled with a sad smile. "Let's move it along." She still wasn't ready to let go of him.

He tucks a strand of hair behind her ear and pulls her close to him, bending down to whisper in her ear, "That's the thing about goodbyes, airports see it all the time." Puck knows that he is just reminding her that people get through this kind of thing all the time but that only makes him sadder. He doesn't mean the words even as he sees them. He spots another couple nearby, this one clearly happier and saying hello, the young man with a single rose in his hand. Puck can only feel envy.

"That's the way this wheel keeps working now, huh?" she whispers back, her face pressed into his neck. "It seems like we're always saying goodbye. This time is different though, isn't it? You're not coming back home."

Puck shakes his head and looks straight into her chocolate eyes. "I'm coming home, just not to the one that you know," he points out, reminding her that Ohio would be his home now and New York would remain hers. He knew the miles weren't enough to separate their hearts, but it was the only thing he knew to do right now. _I__ won't__ be__ the__ last__ one __to __love__ her_, he thinks to himself sadly before pressing a kiss to her forehead as the airline announces that his plane is starting to board. "Well, I guess that's me."

Rachel wants to snap the boarding pass away from him and toss it in a nearby trash bin, one last desperate move that would stop him from leaving. She wants to tell him that he has to stay, that she can be a better girlfriend and that there has to be a way to make this work. But, instead, she just straightens his collar and stands on her tip toes to press a kiss to his cheek. Puck turns into her caress, bring his mouth just inches from hers. "It's almost fall, though. You still haven't seen autumn in New York," she tells him softly, knowing that it's silly. "You have to see how different Central Park is in the fall. It's just this thing that the seasons do."

He shakes his head again. "You know that I can't stay, Rach. That's the way this wheel keeps working right?" he reminds her, echoing her earlier statement. "C'mon, put on a brave smile for me."

Rachel wipes furiously at the tears now spilling from her eyes, not at all caring about the snot that was dripping down her face. She looked a mess, a beautiful disaster, and it broke his heart. "You won't be the first..." Her voice trails off, and he wonders what she was going to say. He doesn't get to find out because she shakes her head resolutely. The smile is fake but at least she tries.

"There you go," he retorts tenderly as he hugs her one last time before heading toward the terminal.

"You can find me if you ever want again!"

Puck hears her voice and turns around to smile. She wouldn't always be there, he knew that. It was the risk that he was going to have to take. They had agreed that they both needed to move on, and he was hedging everything on that being the right choice. He knew that it wasn't something that he would be able to take back. Rachel would move on and fall in love. A guy would have to be crazy to pass up an amazing woman like Rachel Berry.

"You might just find if you give it time..." he hollered back. "You're going to be great, Rach."

She smiles prettily this time, her eyes sparkling in the way that had brought him home over and over again for so long. She waves at him, and he isn't sure if it is hello or goodbye at first. He doesn't try to figure it out as he turns the corner and disappears from her sight. _You __love __her __too__ much_, he admonishes himself one moment and _You__ can't__ love__ too__ much_, he reminds himself the next.

Rachel watches the terminal for a long time after he leaves. She wraps her arms around herself protectively and says to herself only, _I__ believe_. She isn't sure what she believes exactly for awhile. She believes because right now, she needs to believe. Finally, she comes up with something to believe in. _I__ believe__ that__ my__ life's __gonna__ see__ the __love__ I__ give __return __to__ me_.

Puck boards the flight and stashes his bag in the overhead bin before collapsing into his aisle seat. He reiterates once again that this is what they decided, that this is the right thing. The flight attendant comes by to snap shut the bins, and his seatmate takes out a magazine. He wonders if he should take one of the sleeping pills he grabbed from the medicine cabinet this morning but decides against it. He doesn't want to be numb on this one; no, this one, he needs to feel.

And then it hits him: _I__ won't__ be __the__ last __to__ love__ her._ And it's a flurry of activity as he explains breathlessly to the stewardess and grabs his bag and jumps over his seatmate to head off the plane. He can hear security calling after him as he runs out of the terminal, his heavy footsteps pounding on the pavement. People stop to watch his hectic wake as he spots her from behind. He won't be the last guy to love Rachel Berry, but he will be the last man that gets to have her love in return.


End file.
